New Element Discovered

 Investigators at a major research institution recently discovered the heaviest element known to science, and have tentatively named it  Administratium.

Administratium has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0.  It has, however, 1 neutron, 75 assistant neutrons, 111 vice  neutrons and 125 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.  These 312 particles are held together by a strong-force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called 'morons'.  It is also surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called 'peons',  forming a nebulous cloud around the element. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it  impedes every process it comes into contact with.  According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one  reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally have occurred in less than a few seconds.  Administratium has in normal terminology, a characteristic 'half-life' of approximately 1 year. However contrary to what this implies, it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.   Furthermore, an Administratium sample's mass will actually INCREASE over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become  neutrons, forming new Administratium isotopes.  Hence, to be strictly correct, Administratium has a characteristic '1=BD-life' of approximately 1 year.

This phenomenon of 'moron promotion' leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity of concentration in space. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass."  The final fusion process that is thought to spontaneously form Administratium from a "Critical Morass" is impossible to directly observe.  The fusion process is shrouded within the axioms of quantum space-time, behind an "executive event horizon".  Fortunately for the observable world, the preceding process of aggregation of morons (relentless and  insidious), is plainly evident.  You will undoubtedly be able recognize it when it occurs.